Labor, Or Rather, Lack Of True Labor, Struggles

This post was also written earlier, and scheduled to post later....The date I wrote this post was Jan 10, 2011

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I had my worst time yet in this pregnancy last night.

Things seemed to be getting ready for the baby and then seemed to really start cranking up, so I called my midwife and she headed out. David and the kids got things prepped and ready, and we all were excited. Midwife checked me and I was 1cm. She further ascertained that this was just a better version of false labor than I had previously experienced.

Needless to say, this is not what I was expecting or wanted to hear. Honestly, I am still having a hard time this morning. I am doing better, but my emotions are really giving me a ride when they take the notion. After nearly 2 weeks of this kind of thing, I really thought that I was dilated further than basically a 0.

There is not really a way to go through explaining all the reasons why this is hard for me. But God is faithful and has given me help in my time of need, just as He always has.

One thing that I am really being encouraged with this morning is that God is the One Who will bring me to the time of labor. I know, duh.  

Is 66:9 "Shall I bring to the point of birth and not cause to bring forth?” says the LORD; “shall I, who cause to bring forth, shut the womb?” says your God."

But as He reminded me of this this morning, I just gave a sigh of relief as I realized that all this really is God's deal and He is the One Whose job it is to bring this baby into this world. I am just a vessel that He has chosen to carry this little person. My part is to stay submitted to Him and rest in His timing. Can I do that on my own? Uh, no. But with His grace and power given to me, I can.

A further calming balm to my out of control emotions this morning is, God is God, not me. Another, duh, I know, but it really does help when things are not going my way to stop and remind myself that I am not the one who sees all. He is. Do I really want His job, do I really want to sit down, throw a fit and demand that the Author of the universe sit up, pay attention and cater to my feeble demands? Really, I don't have access to enough information to make those kinds of demands. I can't answer the questions God asked Job any better than He could, and so, like Job, I surrender and plead no contest.

This video sums it all up.



Really, in the scope of things, my issue is pretty piddly compared to lots of things that other people go through, or even things I have been through in the past. But, an issue is an issue, so no matter how piddly, if the heart can become settled  and still knowing that God is God, then it lays a foundation for other battles. I am praying that God burns this into me in such a way that it is my first response to a trial, no matter how big or how small.

Thoughts....

I am having some big thoughts this afternoon, and thought I would jot them down here so I can read them later.

I have been fretting and worrying over things lately. Trying to get ahead, trying too hard to figure things out. Stressed when I can't see around the corner.

Why? Cause I am a silly human who can't see God's plans and I think it is all up to me. Sometimes I don't see that that is what I am doing, but it is nonetheless.

Today I am thinking about this. Praying about it. And I think I am getting somewhere with it.

God knows where I am. He knows everything I need. When I have a need, in any area of my life, including lack of faith, I need to talk to Him. Not beg like a four-year old who will fuss if they don't get what they want. Not fixated on the need that needs taken care of, but looking to Him to fully take care of ALL my needs.

And then, do my business. No fretting, dropping everything else til I figure out how I am going get my needs taken care of. God knows where I am at. He WILL take care of me. I just need to rest and trust in Him. That is not easy to do in the midst of my Need, whatever it is. But today as I am pondering this, I am seeing again that I must rest in the storm. I must continue on in my work that He has called me to while I wait for Him to take care of my needs.

My prayer is that I will really get this down deep inside of me. I want this to be such a part of the way I do things that my first thought is to trust God, not worry and fret.