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I had my worst time yet in this pregnancy last night.
Things seemed to be getting ready for the baby and then seemed to really start cranking up, so I called my midwife and she headed out. David and the kids got things prepped and ready, and we all were excited. Midwife checked me and I was 1cm. She further ascertained that this was just a better version of false labor than I had previously experienced.
Needless to say, this is not what I was expecting or wanted to hear. Honestly, I am still having a hard time this morning. I am doing better, but my emotions are really giving me a ride when they take the notion. After nearly 2 weeks of this kind of thing, I really thought that I was dilated further than basically a 0.
There is not really a way to go through explaining all the reasons why this is hard for me. But God is faithful and has given me help in my time of need, just as He always has.
One thing that I am really being encouraged with this morning is that God is the One Who will bring me to the time of labor. I know, duh.
Is 66:9 "Shall I bring to the point of birth and not cause to bring forth?” says the LORD; “shall I, who cause to bring forth, shut the womb?” says your God."But as He reminded me of this this morning, I just gave a sigh of relief as I realized that all this really is God's deal and He is the One Whose job it is to bring this baby into this world. I am just a vessel that He has chosen to carry this little person. My part is to stay submitted to Him and rest in His timing. Can I do that on my own? Uh, no. But with His grace and power given to me, I can.
A further calming balm to my out of control emotions this morning is, God is God, not me. Another, duh, I know, but it really does help when things are not going my way to stop and remind myself that I am not the one who sees all. He is. Do I really want His job, do I really want to sit down, throw a fit and demand that the Author of the universe sit up, pay attention and cater to my feeble demands? Really, I don't have access to enough information to make those kinds of demands. I can't answer the questions God asked Job any better than He could, and so, like Job, I surrender and plead no contest.
This video sums it all up.
Really, in the scope of things, my issue is pretty piddly compared to lots of things that other people go through, or even things I have been through in the past. But, an issue is an issue, so no matter how piddly, if the heart can become settled and still knowing that God is God, then it lays a foundation for other battles. I am praying that God burns this into me in such a way that it is my first response to a trial, no matter how big or how small.